At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
