I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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