At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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