The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
