The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
