Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
