I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
