tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
