that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
