I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
