Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
