Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
