i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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