Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
