i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
