I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
