Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's Friday. Sex?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
