Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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