Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
