are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
