dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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