I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
