it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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