he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He passed out mid-signature
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize