My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
