I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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