FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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