dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
MIDGETS
????
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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