dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
