is your mom at the bar?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
