Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
