shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
