come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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