let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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