Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just pee around me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
