I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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