if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
