Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
