there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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