apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
