dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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