She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
