So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
