i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
