i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need to calm my uterus...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
