Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
