Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
