I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
