THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
