just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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