You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
