There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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