I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
