So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
