Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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