so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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