Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
