you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
