she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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