if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
