I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
