I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
