he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You are a genius and a whore.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize