thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
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