we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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