I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
