this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
